"Seeing my Mom die in front of me and the doctors turn off the machines was true powerlessness. Not like the powerlessness I created in my head when I was cutting or using drugs .... For the first time I had to sit with an awful feeling in me and know that no amount of cutting or drugs could take the feelings away or bring my Mom back. I was truly powerless. I now know the difference between true powerlessness and the self created powerlessness from using drugs."