"If the stories of life were given twice there would be no reason to write. But the scroll is still empty and awaiting the ink that will inscribe a warriors tale."
This is dedicated to those who have touched the fires of life... To those who fall but stand back up. To those who get weak but find new strength. To those who break but rebuild themselves. To those who lose hope but believe again. This is for those who chance upon the recovery road. There is a life that awaits you... Your story matters. Write it.
"If it doesn't make sense, it shouldn't. (Don't make it make sense.)" - Nicki, mom of teen addict
- When someone is actively drinking it is often hard to separate the truths from the lies. Confusion is a big red flag. Possible indicators that they are lying are if you find yourself mentally "filling in the holes" of their stories, reaching to make sense out of things they do, or thinking "huh?" to an explanation they give you.
"I struggled with change because my drug use made my thinking manic. I could create and destroy worlds in a split second in my head and possibilities came and went so quick that I could never realize the potential they carried." - Ed
"To remain angry and not have hope relieves you from the pressures to change or stop using." - H
- In recovery anger at God is not uncommon. God represents hope and hope can be dangerous. To hope means to know there is a better way and realize the mess you made. To hope means to feel the hurt and own the responsibility to change. To hope means to try and in trying you cold fail. Some may find that it is just easier to simply blame God, be angry and continue to justify their alcohol or drug use.
"I had to relearn what love was when he quit drinking. The closeness I felt in the marriage when he was drinking was out of fear that if I didn't pay close attention to him he would take me by surprise." - Diane
Addiction is a selfish pull away from God that says, "I know the answer and I don't trust that there is a better way". Faith is an acknowledgement of fault and a trust in capabilities for something more.
"The person with the most power is the one who knows they dont have to use it."
"When I was drinking I felt the whole world could see my weaknesses. To compensate for this I hit first and I hit hard to prove my power. I now see that this did nothing but diminish my character in the eyes of others and myself. It made me look week and afraid. I thought I could take one on the chin pretty good, but in reality I was sensitive and scared. I was no better than a school yard bully with a puffed out chest equal to the amount of insecurities inside." - Dave, sober 3 years
"Her eyes tried, but could never lie.
She would color them in shadows, but the tears streaked through.
Hiding one eye behind her auburn hair.
Avoiding glances, never allowing us to see her baby blues.
If only she could connect with our gaze, she would have seen a glimmer of hope.
Her eyes dried, she could never cry.
To just chance us a glance we could of bore down our hearts with what little was left.
We would of found more.
Distracting her from her stare, always wondering what she did see behind those quiet eyes.
We will never know.
We kept looking for that sparkle and she would humor us with a squinting smile.
She sees no more.
How I long for her to look away.
To pierce me with her angry eyes once more.
Just a glance.
But they are still.
Her eyes did try, but could never lie."
-Sad Mia, A Mother grieving the loss of her daughter to a drug overdose.
"The man makes the drink, the drink doesn't make the man."
"The idea that I could actually believe that a 4 year old could be responsible for my drinking is absurd. But that is exactly who I blamed for all the stress I was under to justify a weekend binge to my wife. I would then explain away the belligerent behavior because of the alcohol. I shutter at how infantile my thinking was considering all the decisions I made daily as a top executive for a big corporation. Never again will I compromise my thinking that way or blame anything or anyone for my own decisions." - Victor