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Showing posts from March, 2013

My Dog

"Hey, all you addicts who are struggling with your past, take a lesson from my dog: Sometimes it is best to just kick a little dirt on your shit and move on by."

Second Best

"All I ever wanted was for someone to love me as much as I could love them." -K

- Drinking makes second best acceptable.

Recovered

"I am going to make a statement that I have rarely heard in another recovering addict....
... I am done. Recovered. I have completed my treatment. I will no longer make recovery my focal point. I am not what my sick thinking was. I have done my time and I am moving forward. To continuously go back into the shadows of my past will not bring me any kind of healthy future. I am a changed man precisely because I left that part of my story behind." - Dan

Recovery

"I believe you do not have to lose your life in order to find it.  Recovery is a part of life, not your life." - Beth

The Gravedigger

"The young ones are the hardest, you have to dig the hole by hand."

"I was pissed... I did not want the hole to be ready. I wanted the hole to be for me! I am the one who wasted the few days he had on this earth. I am the one who forgot my son to drugs, thinking tomorrow would be a sober day. But the gravediggers don't care, they just move the dirt. I don't blame them but if they would of known my heart they might of dug the hole a little slower." - Mike

God's Will

"God's Will has nothing to do with the consequences you receive from the choices you make."

- Sometimes there is no deep meaning or purpose to figure out other than to stop doing what you are doing.

Tired

"I quit because I wanted more freedom. I got tired of living my life by the bottle." - D (OxyContin)

Denial

"There is no denial in addiction in the sense that one is ignorant of it. Addiction creates an apathetic state." - Teri

Dreams

"My son uses drugs. As much as I want him to get sober, I have come to accept that my dreams are not his. When I have a conversation with him I do it because he is my son, not because I hope for him to be sober." - Mom

Tomorrows

"No more hiding a day at a time. I will greet all of my tomorrows with a handful of hope and moments that are mine." - Dan

My Family

"My family never gave up on me. They showed me that to endure pain for someone you care about is the ultimate gift of love."

I Survived

"Sometimes there are reasons to get high. Sometimes trauma is your life. Sometimes drugs have more to do with sanity and coping and living, than just addiction. I was not an addict, I was beaten at home and bullied at school... I survived."

Problems

"I never faced problems. In fact, I tried to renegotiate with every moment that came my way rather than see what God was trying to teach me." - Julie

The Healthy

"When did being sick become healthy?"
"They told me selfishness was the answer. That expectations were preplanned resentments. That the future didn't matter and we were to take it a day at a time. They said AA is the place and if it is not working I was to keep coming back or I would face jails, institutions or death. I was an addict, but good God, is this the mentality of the healthy?" - JJ

Lucky People

"I am no longer willing to be unlucky. I have stopped living because of fear of what might happen. The lucky people take chances." - R

The Quiet Night

"You cannot lie to yourself. When the quiet night comes you know. Like the unseen breeze you can't deny, there is also a spirit of truth that flows within you." - An Old Drunk

Love

"Love aint just something soft, its the best response to all things and all that life brings." - Todd

Happiness

"I never knew how happy I could be until after I realized how much I could hurt. My life has only known the highs of happiness because of the depths of my struggles." - S

My Paradox

"It is revealing how after all these years of not drinking I still get hit with moments of regret and guilt. I have changed, I know this as my actions tell me so. However, the troubling paradox I return to is this: If it was not for who I was I couldn't be who I am, but I do not like who I was. I do not know why these moments of painful memory arise accept to break me down - to teach. So I allow myself moments of quiet reflection and I hurt. And after I've hurt for a time I find my soul starts to rise once again. Stripped of my intellectual defenses I begin to let go and understand what I have done and what I now need to do."

THANK YOU!
This marks the start of year two for the blog. Thanks to all who have contributed. Your story matters. Write it!

Amends

"Some amends are not because of something you did while drinking but do to something you didn't. In this case, a direct apology may not be as important as you becoming a different person." - L

First Thought Wrong

"A motivated drunk can be a dangerous drunk when an intense impulse occurs to fix things all of a sudden with no account for safety. An example would be after drinking a 12 pack of beer and then become inspired to drive to an AA meeting. A good rule of thumb in this case is first thought wrong."

- A change that endangers others is not what "recovery by any means necessary" means.

Worse Than Elm Street

"I'm horrible at life
Good at dope
Which makes me an addict
With little hope

I shoot up a wish
My arms start to scar
Floating in the sky
Getting high on a star

I look at a picture
Smile at my daughter
Wonder what she thinks of me
Not being a father

Wonder if she knows how my fear became complacent
Doing what i wanted to do
Not worrying how she made it

Wonder if she knows
Me looking at her smile
her tears become my fears
I cry for a while

Fear has four letters
Love has the same
Scared of a new break
My heart holds shame

Am i fearful of my future
Without what used to be my fein
Begging and thieving
For what never made me, me

Am i afraid to let go and just let God
Or is my fear of sobriety
What causes me to nod

An old point gets closer
My fear sets in
There's holes in my past
Bigger than in my skin

As my fear of not being there to be a dad to my little girl
My fear magnifies of what i
Think of the world

I let it all go
Learning how to accept
My fear of me
My fear of regret"

- C.C.